Alice in Wonderland: Part 6: Pig and Pepper

Narrator
Hello. Alice is in the woods. She's trying to find her way back to the beautiful garden that she saw when she first arrived in Wonderland. Here she is, outside a little house. She's wondering who lives there.

Alice
I wonder who could live in such a little house!

Narrator
Before she had the chance to wonder for very long, a fish ran out of the woods and knocked on the door. The fish was wearing a footman's uniform. Another footman opened the door. Alice was near enough to hear what the fish said.

Footman
From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.

Alice
The Duchess!!

Narrator
Alice was so curious she went to knock on the door. But there was no use knocking, because it was so noisy inside the house that no-one could possibly hear her little knock. Alice was even more curious now so she opened the door…

Alice
Hello?

Narrator
And she found herself in a noisy, smoky kitchen. A cook was cooking a pan of soup over the fire and the Duchess was holding a crying baby. There was also a big cat who was sitting above the fire and smiling from ear to ear. Everyone was sneezing except the cook and the cat.

Alice
There's too much pepper in that soup! Please would you tell me why your cat grins like that?

The Duchess
It's a Cheshire-Cat, and that's why.

Alice
I didn't know Cheshire-Cats grinned. In fact, I didn't know cats could grin.

The Duchess
You don't know much, and that's a fact.

Narrator
Just then, the cook took the pan of soup off the fire, and started throwing pots and pans and plates and dishes all around the kitchen. Some of them hit the Duchess, but she didn't seem to notice. Some of them hit the baby, who was crying anyway.

Alice
Oh please! The baby! Be careful!

The Duchess
Here! You hold it if you like!

Narrator
And the Duchess threw the baby at Alice who just managed to catch it.

Alice
Ohhh!!

The Duchess
I must go and get ready to play croquet with the Queen.

Narrator
And, with that, The Duchess left. Alice held the baby and wondered what to do with it.

Alice
What am I going to do with you? You're a strange shape… Oh! You're a not a baby. You're a… you're a pig!

Narrator
It was easy to decide what to do with a pig. Alice took it outside and let it go into the woods. The Cheshire-Cat sat in a tree and watched her.

Alice
Cheshire-Cat, could you tell me which way I should go?

Cheshire-Cat
A Hatter lives over here, and a March Hare lives over there. They're both mad.

Alice
But I don't want to meet mad people.

Cheshire-Cat
Oh, we're all mad here. Are you playing croquet with the Queen today?

Alice
I'd love to play croquet with the Queen… but she hasn't invited me.

Cheshire-Cat
You'll see me there…

Narrator
The cat disappeared. Alice set off in the direction of the March Hare's house and soon she came to a house. Outside the house she saw a tea-party quite unlike any tea-party she had ever seen before. Next time, I'll tell you all about the Tea Party and what happened when Alice met the March Hare and the Hatter. Goodbye.