Alice in Wonderland: Part 8: Croquet with the Queen

Narrator
Hello! After all her adventures, Alice has finally found the beautiful garden she's been looking for all this time. It's full of beautiful white roses. Alice wandered through the flowers until she saw a gardener. He was doing something very strange...

Alice
Why are you painting the roses red?

Gardener
The Queen - she wants red roses and I put white roses in by mistake. If the Queen finds them, she'll cut my head off! Oh no! Here comes the Queen!

Narrator
The gardener threw himself to the ground and lay with his face down. A line of soldiers and courtiers came marching into the rose garden. They didn't look like people at all. They looked exactly like playing cards: their bodies were square and flat with their heads at the top and their hands and feet in the four corners. First came a group of ten soldiers, who were decorated with black clubs, then came ten of the Queen's servants, who were covered in red diamonds. Then came all the princes and princesses, wearing red hearts. The Knave of Hearts was carrying a crown on a cushion, and last of all came the King and Queen of Hearts. When they got to Alice, everybody stopped. The Queen looked at Alice.

Queen
Who is this?

Alice
I'm Alice, Your Majesty.

Queen
Can you play croquet?

Alice
Yes!

Queen
Come on then! Everyone get to your places!

Animals
I'm over here... Are you over there? This is place, no this is your place, are we ready?

Narrator
Everyone began running in different directions until they got into place and the game began. It was a very curious game: everything seemed to be alive! The balls were hedgehogs and the croquet mallets were flamingos. All the playing-card-soldiers bent over so they looked like arches. The players had to catch the flamingos first, which wasn't easy because they kept flying away. When the flamingos were caught, each player held their flamingo tightly under one arm, with the long neck and head hanging down to the ground. Then the hedgehogs curled up into spiky balls – and the players used the flamingos' heads to hit the hedgehogs so that they rolled through the playing-card soldier arches.

Animals
Is it my turn? Oh good shot! Have another go... oh do stand still! Very nicely played, it's your turn again, very good, etc...

Alice
What a curious game! I suppose I should play.

Narrator
It was a very curious game! There didn't seem to be any rules. Everyone played at the same time and the hedgehogs kept running away. Alice took a flamingo and tried to hit a hedgehog with it. But the flamingo moved its head and she missed. Soon the players began arguing and fighting for the hedgehogs and the Queen went around stamping her feet and shouting at everyone.

Queen
Off with your head! Off with her head!

Animals
No it isn't your turn! That's my ball, give me my hedgehog! It's my turn, not yours! Is that my flamingo? That's cheating!

Alice
How will I get out of here?

Narrator
As Alice was looking around for a way to escape, suddenly the Cheshire-Cat appeared in the air. He wasn't sitting on anything, he was just floating.

Cheshire-Cat
Are you enjoying the croquet?

Alice
No. I don't think they play fairly at all. Everyone is arguing and there aren't any rules.

Cheshire-Cat
How do you like the Queen?

Alice
Not at all! I suppose I should try to play or she might cut off my head!

Narrator
Alice went to find her hedgehog. She found it having a fight with another one. While she was trying to pull the two animals apart, her flamingo flew away.

Alice
Oh dear! I'm not doing very well at this game. What will the Queen think?

Narrator
Alice was right to worry. Most of the other players had made the Queen angry for one reason or another and the soldiers took them away one by one. Soon there were only the King, the Queen and Alice left in the game. The Queen turned to Alice.

Queen
You! Come here! Who were you talking to?

Alice
If you please, your Majesty...

Voice
The trial is starting! The trial is starting!

Queen
The trial! Oh good! I love trials! Come along!

Narrator
Alice had no choice but to follow the Queen. We'll leave her there for now. Next time. I'll tell you all about the Knave of Hearts, the stolen jam tarts and what happened when Alice met the Hatter and The White Rabbit again. Goodbye.