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Many people can roll their eyes, but adolescent girls have practically monopolized the ocular gesture as a form of communication. Adults on the receiving end of an eye roll are often offended, and sometimes that’s just what the girl had in mind. But frequently, it’s not. Eye-rolling serves a variety of purposes, and the meanings behind the mannerism tell us a lot about what it’s like to be a teenager.
Adolescents usually hate being told what to do, and will reflexively resist even suggestions with which they agree. Imagine a girl who is planning to put on her warmest coat when her well-meaning mother urges her to bundle up. If the teenager is developing normally, not a cell in her body is inclined to respond with a sincere, “Great idea, Mom! I was just thinking the same thing.” (And her mom might be stunned, or at least wonder what her daughter was up to, if she did.) But the girl still wants to be warm. Enter the eye roll! One spin around the socket while donning the coat and the girl advertises her resistance while doing as she intended all along.
Given that the drive for autonomy is a central force during adolescence, taking orders can be especially annoying for teenagers. So how should a girl respond when her parents say she can’t go out for the evening until she unloads the dishwasher? She may see no point in fighting back, but still feel compelled to broadcast her objection. Again, ophthalmic calisthenics offer a useful solution. By rolling her eyes while putting away the plates, the girl establishes that she’s an independent state electing to yield, for now, to the regional power.
At other times, girls roll their eyes when adults poke at a sore spot. A teenager hurting over a fight with a friend might shoot a skyward look when a parent asks gently, “How’s Julia? She hasn’t come over for a while?” What seems to be a rude brush-off might actually be the girl’s valiant attempt to hold herself together. Teens can be easily overwhelmed by their own feelings, and they’re often ambivalent about leaning on parents for support. A girl might decide that irritating her dad with an eye roll beats dissolving into tears in his presence.
Girls also use eye-rolling to communicate that an adult has crossed a line. If parents hold irrational expectations, make arbitrary rules, or recruit shame when ordinary anger would do, girls sometimes stick up for themselves by rolling their eyes. Teens who appear to be disrespectful rarely spur adults toward self-reflection, but eye-rolling may be the best defense a teenager can muster in a heated moment. When girls in my practice tell me about their fights at home, I’m often moved by how carefully they weigh the decision to sacrifice something in their relationship with their parent so as not to sacrifice something in themselves.
Of course, girls occasionally use eye-rolling as an immature act of aggression. They attack one another and adults with the dismissive, demeaning gesture and can provoke reasonable people into retaliatory responses. When eye-rolling is clearly meant as an insult, parents can try to raise the relational bar by saying, “That’s rude. I’m trusting you’ll soon find a more mature way to let me know what you’re thinking,” or something along those lines. But more often than not, teenage eye-rolling serves as an efficient solution to the typical challenges posed by adolescence. And it presents adults with a choice: We can take the behavior personally, or we can try to see things from their perspective.
很多人都会翻白眼，但青春期少女们几乎已经把这种眼部运动当成了一种交流方式。大人们在遭到白眼时往往会生气，有时那的确是女孩有意冒犯。但很多时候其实并不是。翻白眼这种习性背后隐藏了很多种含义，了解这些能帮助我们更好地理解青春期的孩子们。
青少年一般痛恨被人说教，即使是他们同意的建议也会本能地去抵制。想象一下，一个女孩正准备穿上她最厚的外套，这时她满怀好意的妈妈敦促她多穿点。如果这个少女发育正常，她身体里不会有一个细胞会想真心地回答：“好主意呀，妈妈！我也是这么想的。”（要真这样说了，她妈妈大概会愣住吧，奇怪她女儿这是想干嘛。）但女孩当然还是想穿得暖和。进入白眼模式！穿上外套，但眼珠子在眼窝里转上一圈；仍做她本来就想做的事，但用这样的方式去表达她的反抗。
对于处在青春期的少年们来说，渴求自主是他们心里最重要的力量，可以说他们特别讨厌服从命令。所以如果一个女孩的父母告诉她，得先把洗碗机里的盘子收好，否则晚上不可以出去时，她会如何回应？她可能觉得反击并没有什么意义，但仍然觉得有必要公布她的反对。于是这种健眼运动再次提供了一条解决之道。在收盘子的同时翻上白眼，女孩宣示自己是个独立自主的国家，只是面对区域强权暂时选择低下头而已。
在另一些时候，女孩们翻白眼是因为大人们戳到了她们的痛处。一个少女正因跟朋友吵架而伤心，如果她父母轻轻问道：“朱莉娅最近怎么样？她有段时间没过来了呀？”这时女孩可能又会把眼往上翻去，看似粗鲁地不搭理他们。但这也许实际上是女孩为了让自己不崩溃所做的勇敢尝试。青少年们能轻易被他们自己的情感所淹没，他们经常也会很矛盾，到底要不要去向父母寻求帮助。一个女孩子可能就觉得，翻个白眼惹恼她的爸爸，还是比在他面前哭成泪人要强。
女孩们也会用翻白眼来表示大人已经越线。如果父母对其有不切实际的期望，或是制定前后不一的规则，或是当普通的愤怒就已经能解决问题时，非要去羞辱她们，女孩们有时就会用翻白眼的形式来维护自己。无礼的表现极少会让父母们自我反省，但在气氛紧张的时候，翻白眼也许是青少年们能做出的最佳防卫措施。工作中接触的女孩们向我描述她们家里的争吵，我常常会被那种仔细的左右权衡所打动，她们牺牲一点跟父母之间的关系，换取更多一点自己。
当然，女孩们偶尔也会用翻白眼作为一种不成熟的侵犯行为。她们用轻蔑、挑衅的姿态攻击对方或父母，使得即使理性的人们也会产生报复心理。当明确她翻白眼是在侮辱时，父母可以尝试去提高交流的层级，比如像这样说：“那很不礼貌。我相信你很快就能找到一种更成熟的方式来告诉我你在想什么。”但大多数时候，翻白眼是青少年用来对抗典型青春期问题的有效方法。它也让大人们面临选择：我们可以就是要往心里去，也可以尝试从她们的角度去看问题。
翻译：吴善
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